It’s realistic, but not in the way most people read the phrase. It isn’t a feeling to produce or a rule to obey. Instead, it describes a change in how you see other people. That makes it the end of the whole path, not one virtue among many.
Why is this one line treated as the whole point?
Because every other step on the path leads to it. Connection, effort, and learning to give all aim at one result. As a result, you stop being the center of every calculation, and other people’s needs start to matter as much as your own do now. In other words, every other rule is a specific case of this one.
Does this mean feeling warm and kind toward everyone?
No. This isn’t about sentiment. For example, you can feel sympathy, act generously, and still run everything through self-interest. The real thing works differently: other people’s wants become as important to you as your own, sometimes more. That’s because you no longer measure reality from the center of yourself.
Why can’t I just decide to do it?
Because self-love is where everyone starts. You can imitate the outward form, like being polite or giving things away. But you can’t produce the underlying quality by deciding to. Instead, it arrives as the result of a deeper change, which all the earlier work prepares: the group, the effort, the asking. So the goal is an outcome of that change, not something you can force.
What actually changes when it happens?
You perceive reality differently. Instead of separate people with colliding interests, you see one connected system, and you see yourself as a part of it. That shift isn’t a moral achievement. Perception itself changes. The path starts with feeling only yourself and your own lack. In the end, it leads to living inside a shared connection.
FAQ
Is this idea connected to a specific tradition?
Yes. Kabbalah, following Rabbi Akiva, calls this the “great rule” of the Torah. In that framework, the purpose of life is to become similar to the Creator, whose quality is bestowal. So loving others as yourself is how a person reaches that similarity. If that framework interests you, you can read more about it beyond this post.
Why does it have to be about other people, not just private spirituality?
Because in private you can always imagine yourself as loving and spiritual. Other people are the test you can’t fake. That’s why the work centers on relationships, not inner feelings alone.
Does this mean I should put everyone else’s needs above mine right now?
No. This isn’t a call to self-neglect, people-pleasing, or tolerating harm. Instead, it describes where a long change in perception leads, not a duty to start sacrificing yourself today. If someone is hurting you or you’re losing yourself, take care of that first and consider talking to a professional.
What’s an actual next step if this resonates?
Start small and honest. For example, notice one situation today where you only asked what you’d get out of it. That noticing is the starting point.
If this raises more questions than it answers, you can explore more here.