Yes, but what changes is the aim of your wants, not whether you have them. You still want, enjoy, and work, and the difference is who all that wanting is for.
What actually changes when a person changes?
The aim, not the wanting. Think of a guest at a generous host’s table. The meal is the same either way. A guest who accepts it to please the host is doing something different from one who just grabs, even if both eat the same food. In this view, change works like that. The same actions and desires can point at yourself or at other people. As the aim shifts from yourself toward others, the meaning of what you do shifts with it.
What stays the same?
Most of what makes you you. You still want things, enjoy things, and work for them. Nothing in this view asks you to flatten yourself into a saint. Your natural qualities are the raw material, not parts to throw out. Some wants may shrink over time, but nothing wipes them out. This post won’t pretend to give a detailed portrait of how a changed person acts at work or at the dinner table.
Can I do it by effort alone?
Effort matters, but it can’t finish the job. Your effort shows you what needs to change, and it shows you that you can’t change it alone. In this view, the force that actually shifts the aim comes from outside you, and you ask for it. Your part is to make the effort and keep asking. That’s why trying harder alone tends to hit a ceiling.
Does change feel like steady progress?
No. Expect ups and downs. Early on, you may not feel anything changing, or you may feel it backwards. Trying to connect with people often shows you how self-centered you are, and that discovery counts as part of the change, not proof of failure. A setback doesn’t prove you’re failing, and it doesn’t prove you’re advancing. It’s hard to judge where you stand at any given moment.
How do I tell real change from fooling myself?
Not by how spiritual you feel. Feeling more evolved than other people is self-regard, not change. In this view, pride is a form of self-benefit that blocks connection. A better signpost is whether you feel a growing need to connect positively with other people, including a clearer view of where you reject them. That’s a rough guide, not a test you can pass or fail. If chasing change turns into constant self-criticism, talk to a therapist. The aim here is a shift in direction, not a verdict that you’re broken.
FAQ
Is this idea part of a specific tradition?
Yes. Kabbalah calls this change “correction.” It means changing the intention behind desires from receiving for oneself to giving to others, toward similarity with the Creator’s quality of bestowal. The desires themselves aren’t the problem. Their aim is. If that framework interests you, you can read more about it beyond this post.
What is the “light that reforms”?
It’s Kabbalah’s name for the force it says does the actual changing. The teaching holds that a person’s efforts toward connection, and their request for help, draw this force. The person’s effort alone can’t produce it.
Isn’t this just self-improvement?
Not quite. Ordinary self-improvement can happen entirely inside self-interest: you can build better habits and still be aiming at yourself. In this framework, correction means the aim itself changes.
What’s a first step if this resonates?
Take one ordinary action, like a meal or a task at work. Ask who else could benefit if you did it with them in mind. Try that once, and notice what changes.
If you’d like the original teaching behind this, you can explore more here.