No. Self-interest is the engine behind every want you have, so you can’t delete it and you shouldn’t try. The useful question is what it’s working for, and whether you’re the one steering it.
Is selfishness a flaw I’m supposed to get rid of?
No. Your ego is the part of you that wants things: food, comfort, praise, meaning, a better life. Strip it out and you wouldn’t become a saint. You’d stop wanting anything at all, including to improve. So it’s the fuel, not the flaw. Even the wish to become a better person starts as a want, and wants come from the same source. That isn’t hypocrisy. It’s the only starting point anyone has.
Why does it seem to get louder the more I grow?
Because the old rewards stop working. At first, achievements, learning, and progress pay off, and you feel good about yourself for doing them. After a while, that payment runs thin. You want something bigger, or something different. As a result, a path that felt exciting can suddenly feel flat. That doesn’t mean you’ve gone backward. It often means you’ve outgrown the old reward.
Can I overcome it by deciding to be better?
Not directly. When people feel they’ve beaten their selfishness, they’ve usually found a subtler way to get paid, like feeling proud of how unselfish they are. Willpower moves you around inside the same desire. It doesn’t change the desire. What works over time is putting yourself among people and ideas that make a different kind of reward matter to you. Your wants shift when the surroundings that shape them shift.
How do I treat it without guilt and without autopilot?
Treat it like resistance in a gym. You don’t curse the weight, you lift it. Noticing your own self-interest isn’t a failure. It means you’re seeing something that was always there. Beating yourself up about it only adds one more self-focused loop. The opposite trap is following it without noticing, in failure or in success. A big promotion can steer you as blindly as a grudge can. A practical test is whether you’re getting better at spotting the difference between what you want and what’s worth wanting, and whether you’re moving toward other people instead of using them. If self-criticism turns constant or crushing, though, talk it over with a therapist. That goes beyond a philosophical question.
FAQ
Is this idea part of a specific tradition?
Yes. Kabbalah calls this self-interest the “desire to receive” and treats it as the basic material of every person, not a defect. Its aim isn’t to destroy that desire but to learn to use it for others’ benefit, which it describes as rising above the ego. If that framework interests you, you can read more about it beyond this post.
Is ego the same as pride or arrogance?
No. Pride is one form of it. Here, ego means the whole drive to get pleasure for yourself, including quiet forms like wanting to be liked or wanting to feel good about being kind.
Does accepting my ego mean I should just be selfish?
No. Accepting it isn’t permission to indulge it. The goal is to stay aware of it and gradually aim it at something beyond yourself, including other people.
What’s a first step if this resonates?
For one day, notice when you want something: approval, comfort, being right. Name it without judging it. Then ask what it’s really after. Noticing without judgment is the start.
If you’d like the original teaching behind this, you can explore more here.